Family

A Mother’s Day Wish List

Posted on May 12, 2019 in Family, Women

 

Mom (on the right), Oak Street Beach, Chicago

My mother was a strong and resilient woman, creative and resourceful, quick to help and even quicker to laugh. I adored her.  People often commented that she’d had a hard life, and she always countered that it was full of interesting experiences. I loved the stories she told about her life, but I also wished she’d had it a little easier.

My mother came to the US in 1952 at sixteen. She spoke five languages, none of which was English. Assimilation was high on her list and she quickly absorbed all that was American: Saturday night dances, movies & television, Elvis Presley.

After secretarial school, she lived with (and paid rent to) her parents while she started work at a bank. She met my father and they married in the early 1960s. They then promptly loaded up everything they had into a Ford Galaxy and headed west, settling in the Southern California suburbs. My father worked part-time and started school on the GI bill. I was born two years later, and my brother two years after that.

My mom had loved her job at the bank, as one of three assistants to the bank president. She loved living in a big city. But as a single woman in the 1950s and early 1960s, her life was limited. It was a challenge for a young woman to live on her own, an even a greater challenge to stay single. Once married and without any family nearby in those early years in California, she was on her own to figure out how to run her house and take care of two small children.

Once my brother and I were in school, she went looking for a job. She found one as a part-time bookkeeper for a local dairy. That job provided much-needed additional income to the household, but also much-needed social connection for my mother, and at least one trip for us to the dairy farm itself, complete with fragrant cow pastures and a dog named Fresca.

By now, it was the late 1960s. We’d sent men to the moon, but women could still get fired for getting pregnant, contraception was not widely available, and banks could refuse to extend credit to women. Betty Friedan exposed “the thing that has no name” in 1963, but my mother already knew what it was: it was the albatross of economic dependence, of limiting cultural norms, and the prevailing expectations about mothers and motherhood.

How much easier have we made mothers’ lives today?

Here’s what’s on my Mother’s Day Wish List:

Pay equity: Becoming a mother should not mean you are worth any less as an employee. Neither parenthood nor marital status should determine pay, yet married men are generally paid more than single men (and most women, married or single).

Paid family leave: We make accommodation for employees to address and recover from other medical events; time to properly heal and bond makes mother and baby healthier and most women cannot afford to take unpaid leave to do this. (Note this is family leave, not just maternity or parental leave; women are more likely to take a second round of leave, when they assume caregiving for elderly parents, impacting their earning potential a second time.)

Access to quality child care: Becoming a mother shouldn’t mean you have to choose between your economic independence and parenthood. Fathers do not.

For those who say we can’t afford to move in this direction, the question really is: Can we afford NOT to? We are increasingly competing with countries that do offer these types of support. Consider these tidbits:

Universal basic health coverage could be paid for from the increased taxes owed by corporations on the higher taxable income they would have once they no longer have the tax deduction for health insurance expenses for workers;
Quality child care costs can be subsidized by the taxes that will be owed on the wages of these new working parents; research has shown businesses would benefit from reduced absenteeism and greater employee retention;
An extra bonus: more workers in the paid workforce mean additional payroll taxes to support Social Security and Medicare.

Being a mother can be a priceless experience. But it shouldn’t be a Hunger Games competition. It shouldn’t rob a woman of an equal wage for equal work, or advancement if she doesn’t have funds to pay privately for quality child care.

All of the ideas on my list would have gone a long way to help my mom. She did a great job despite these hurdles, but while we celebrate mothers today, isn’t it time we make it a little easier to be a mom the other 364 days a year?

Happy Mother’s Day.

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Valentine’s Day Planning

Posted on Feb 15, 2019 in Community, Estate Planning, Family

Sweethearts Candies

If all the pink hearts and chocolates you’ve been seeing in stores since just after Christmas weren’t enough of a giveaway, it’s Valentine’s Day. The first conversational candy hearts were crafted by the New England Confectioners Company in 1866.  Yes, that means we’ve been doing this for over 150 years.  And this year you probably heard that due to a change in control at the company, it would not be producing the chalky, nearly flavorless candies.  Yet Valentine’s Day marches on.  The National Retail Federation projects that we will spend $19.6 billion this year on Valentine’s Day.

All the hubbub can leave many feeling like they’re missing something: a romantic partner, a partner who is romantic, or the right combination of candlelit dinner/jewelry/flowers/candy. Setting aside the consumerist take-over of the day (as well as its dark history), and considering its modern meaning more broadly — as a celebration of love  — that is a worthy goal.  Love is one of the few truly infinite resources we have, and it takes many forms: romantic love, friendship, familial love, self-esteem or love of oneself, and love outside of one’s self, whether that be for humankind, nature, a vocation or God.  Building a truly rich life incorporates as many of the types of love as possible. Celebrating and enhancing these connections is what we strive to do.

Valentine’s and Love

Last week I went to hear John and Julie Gottman talk about love. Not about finding it, but about knowing when you really have it, and about keeping it once you do. The Gottmans were at Town Hall to promote their new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

Gottman and his colleague Robert Levenson founded the “Love Lab” 45 years ago. As the story goes, they were “two clueless guys who knew nothing about relationships” who decided to research relationships.  John recalled how, 33 years ago as a newbie to Seattle, he decided to answer every personal ad in the Seattle Weekly.  In two months, he dated 60 women, and that experience was the start of his “date-a-base.” Over the years at the Gottman Institute, they studied 3,000 couples to see if they could find scientific evidence of the characteristics of long-lasting love. John’s methodology and the Love Lab developed their renown based on their 94% accuracy rate in predicting whether couples would stay together.

Love and Connection

When asked about what keeps people on the hunt for love, despite rejection and failures, Julie Gottman noted that at the core of their research they find that what we all want is connection.  She says this, and the room gets quiet.  At the end of the day, we all want to be valued, to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. Whether we’re coupled or not, this need for connection unites us all.

Love In Many Forms / On Many Forms

The other take-away from the Gottmans’ talk is how the base of any good relationship is in how we communicate. Whether love between romantic partners, friends, within families of origin and of choice, communities to which we belong – all types of love enrich our lives.  You want to enjoy them while you have them, and you might want to leave something to them after you’re gone.  This is where a little planning comes in.

Each of your retirement accounts (401k, 403b, 457, IRA etc) and life insurance policies passes to your heirs by way of a Designated Beneficiary.  You may think your Will controls everything, but it does not control these assets.  Because life is long and things change, you should check your beneficiaries to make sure they are current.  Beneficiaries can be people and/or charitable organizations.  To check yours, you should be able to go online to view your retirement account beneficiaries, and typically you just need to submit a form to change them if needed.  For life insurance policies, beneficiaries  may be viewable online, or call your carrier.  If you’ve gotten married, divorced, had children or have just had a change of heart regarding your legacy, check in to make sure you beneficiaries are up-to-date.

In addition to however else you might plan to celebrate (or not celebrate) Valentine’s Day, do choose a day to check in about your beneficiaries.  Make sure the ones you love are reflected accordingly.

A Note on Galentine’s

If Valentine’s Day isn’t for you, perhaps Galentine’s Day is. In 2010 Amy Poehler’s character on Parks & Recreation, Leslie Knope, invented the notion of “Galentine’s Day.” February the 13th became the day when women celebrate their female friendships, traditionally over breakfast which Knope described as “Lilith Fair minus the angst and plus frittatas.”  Eight years after that TV episode aired, we’re still referencing this holiday.  It’s true both days have been mercilessly merchandised and enforce stereotypes about women (single and coupled), money and what we all want.  But who doesn’t like an excuse for frittatas?

If you missed Galentine’s Day this year but want to plan ahead for 2020, here is more info on How to Celebrate Galentine’s Day the Leslie Knope Way .

In any event, here’s to a happy Thursday and a little love in your life.

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Blind Spots and Seeing the Whole Picture

Posted on Jul 27, 2018 in Community, Family, Investments, Planning, Relationship

I’m a huge movie buff. In a different life, I would have been behind a camera, capturing people’s stories on film. One of the best stories I’ve seen on film is a movie making the festival circuit this year, Blindspotting. Daveed Diggs of Hamilton fame, along with longtime friend, poet and fellow actor Rafael Casal, have made a buddy movie like no other. It is smart, funny, painful, intense, and powerful. The writing is tight, the acting top-notch. The pair had been working on finding a way to produce the film for ten years, and its tone and subject matter could not be more pertinent today.

And why am I telling you about this in a personal finance blog? The power of the movie is in its exercise in asking the audience whether they can see more than one thing at the same time: Can you see the two people in profile AND the vase? Can you see a black ex-con and a thoughtful man reinventing himself? Can you see that the friend you’ve known your whole life has a different experience of the world because his skin color is different than yours? Can you see a rich person and someone struggling? Can you actively look to see past your blind spots? This is important because without the ability to do so, you can miss important information about your friends, your family, the people you work with, and the broader world around you, as well as about your finances.

What is “Blindspotting”? You’ll find that out when you go to see the movie. (And seriously, go see it.) We’ve all heard of blind spots: something in your range of vision that you should be able to see, but which is obstructed. The obstructions come from a variety of sources, but they can come straight from you: a blind spot is a predisposition, a prejudice. The most dangerous are the ones that you don’t know you have. Dangerous because you may think you are lighting candlesticks when you are lighting dynamite.

We all have them. We are all products of our own stories and experience: our upbringing, our families, and the shortcuts that help us make sense of the world. Sometimes those shortcuts don’t show us the whole picture and result in blind spots. Here are three common ones that might impact your personal financial life, and one additional that can cause you to negatively affect someone else’s:

Confirmation bias – You embrace information that supports your perspective and cultivate a blind spot to that which contradicts it. You buy a stock and when there is good news about the stock, you acknowledge that and feel you have made a wise investment. When there is negative information about the stock, you discount the news.

Recognizing that you’re likely to have a bias for the choices you make and being able to look past that blind spot and take in all relevant information about an investment will make you a better investor.

Over-confidence – What you’ve done in the past has been successful, so you are confident that you know what you’re doing. You have a blind spot to the role luck can play and to evidence itself, and in investment management, that’s one place where numbers don’t lie.

You invest in real estate and home prices soar. You feel like a brilliant investor. Real estate prices plunge, and you blame the market, not your strategy. The blind spot is your confidence in your ability versus the capriciousness of markets.  Why you were investing in real estate in the first place should be your benchmark: you needed a home and were buying for the long-term, or you wanted a long-term investment in rental property and could carry the on-going costs of the property during the periods you couldn’t rent it. That’s the measure you need to be using as a benchmark for success, not your ability to time a market. It’s hard not to get caught up in a frenzy, which also makes it the best time to go back to your desk and work through the numbers to see if an investment will meet your goals over your time horizon.

Note that the corollary of over-confidence exists as well: under-confidence. You invest in the S&P 500 and the market goes up. You consider yourself lucky. The market falls and you blame yourself for a bad investment. Your blind spot is self-confidence: without question, luck factors into timing of investing. But if you invested in the S&P 500 as a long-term strategy for growth, knowing that there will be market fluctuations, there is no luck or blame, that is a solid strategy.

Rationalizing: You overspend but explain how much you’re saving by buying things on sale. You desperately want to get out of debt but as soon as you’ve freed up some extra income, you’ve committed it to another loan or run up a balance on another credit card. You’ll start saving tomorrow.

We are creatures of habit. We are attached to our rituals, our patterns, our ways of doing things, and accepting that they may not be serving us – to say nothing of actually changing them – is hard to do. The blind spot is what you believe is really important and whether your actions support it. What is your goal? Looking at actions instead of hopes or dreams is where planning comes in. All of the above actions are rational in some way to the person making them. Seeing how the action (buying something you don’t expressly need because it’s on sale) impacts your stated goal (saving for a vacation to Italy) can help you release an old rationale and better align actions with what you really want.

And one more for the other people in your life:

Making an Assumption: This is the quickest shortcut we all use. You don’t give the plum project to the new parent because it involves travel and you assume they wouldn’t be interested in that now. You order a $90 bottle of wine at dinner with a friend, not realizing that her half of the price of the wine was what she was budgeting for the whole meal. You see your neighbor’s new Tesla, their designer shoes, the gardener at their house and you assume they are greedy and material people.

But are you making an assumption that interferes with seeing the whole picture? Your predisposition creates a blind spot. You won’t see the whole picture in each case until you ask questions and learn more. You’ll retain a prejudiced view of what a new parent wants at work, what your friend can afford, and what your neighbor is really like. The effort to see a blind spot takes time and attention and energy, all of which feel for most of us like increasingly scarce resources.

These decisions we make based on our biases, our assumptions, our blind spots, can have a very real impact on the lives – financial and otherwise – of other people. You limit the professional growth of an employee, you burden a friend with an unexpected expense, you fail to offer friendship to a neighbor because you are operating in a blind spot.

Are you seeing what you think you are seeing? Or could there be another way of looking at something? Can you step back and take in the whole picture objectively? Could there be more to the story? People and situations can be more than one thing. In developing an awareness of what we know for a fact, setting aside the shortcuts, expanding our view into blind spots, we get better information for action. Blind spots are not blindness – we can improve the completeness of what we see. It requires observation, attention, and sometimes confronting a limitation under which we’ve been operating.

Financial self-awareness is the first step. Learning to be aware of our blind spots can lead us to greater understanding, compassion, and better decision-making all around.

As for Blindspotting the movie, my experience at the SIFF screening was intense and very personal. There is an art to allowing us to laugh while we cry, something Shakespearean about giving us that release so that we can continue to watch, to engage, to care about these characters, flawed as they may be, in the short time we have with them. This is a powerful film, coming at a time when we are churning up some deeply held beliefs among us, which I continue to believe is the first part of healing. Right now it may not feel like we’re making progress, yet like any problem – or blind spot – you can’t do anything to change it until you recognize it’s there.

It is only a movie. But if it promotes a continued conversation about racial tension, police violence, gentrification, growing income inequality, and how we can promote empathy and compassion while tackling these issues, then it is so much more.  Blindspotting opens nationwide July 27th.

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Planning in the New Year

Posted on Jan 9, 2017 in Community, Family, Planning, Tax

You all know I love to plan. The power of planning comes from setting your intention, and taking action to make it happen. It’s about dreaming, but it’s more about doing.

Starting a new year is a perfect time to set your intention on how you want to affect the world outside your personal sphere. I know I’m not alone in that while I am glad to put 2016 behind me, I’m not altogether too sure about 2017. All the more reason to have a plan about how you want things to go down. It can be overwhelming to figure out where to start. So start at the beginning:

1. FOCUS – Ask yourself what the top issue is for you – it’s overwhelming to try and solve all the world’s problems at once. Believe me, my mom and I tried over numerous cups of coffee. What is the area that you feel most concerned about protecting? Civil rights? Climate change? Women’s health? Choose one (or two, tops) and put your energies here.

When we’re talking about your portfolio, diversification is beneficial. For philanthropic investments, concentrating your giving – of time and money – focuses your precious resources on the specific goal you want to support, and can enhance your involvement in something you care about.

2. Next, DECIDE how you’d like to help. There are three main ways to support the causes that matter to you:

• Gifts to traditional charities
• Gifts to not-for-profits with a political agenda
• Gifts of action

Gifts to Traditional Charities
Our tax code currently provides some incentive for charitable giving, allowing a tax deduction for giving to not-for-profit – and generally non-political – groups. We’re entering a whole new world this year, both with potential changes to the tax code and changes in the political climate.

We don’t yet know how the changes to the tax code will affect charitable giving from a tax perspective. One thing we can know with some certainty is that there will be less spending of our collective tax dollars for social services or human rights protection. Organizations that work in these areas – food banks, civil rights groups, women’s health – are going to need your help more than ever. If they are 501(c)3 organizations, you can take a tax deduction to the full extent of the law as it stands now.

From what we have heard thus far, the new administration is proposing tax reform that stresses simplification, part of which would reduce the number of tax brackets and substantially increase the standard deduction (from $6,300 to $15,000 for single filers, $11,500 to $30,000 for jointly-filed tax returns). Meaning many people who may have itemized and received a tax benefit for charitable giving will now receive no additional tax benefit from this unless their total itemized deductions exceed the standard deduction.

Gifts for Political Action
There are many reasons to give beyond a tax deduction, and giving to groups that lobby or otherwise take political action may now be on an equal footing tax-wise with giving to tax-exempt organizations. Some not-for-profit groups which lobby or otherwise participate in political campaigns don’t have 501(c)(3) status, so your donation may not be tax-deductible.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the many areas of need, and you’re going to need to pick your battles. On one of his first post-election shows, comedian John Oliver of Last Week Tonight offered a solid list of organizations you may want to help. Oliver made a very serious call to action on his program, noting that until now we’ve generally felt that the rights of all Americans would be protected by those in Washington. But many may feel that will no longer be the case, and some groups will need help under the new administration. He organized his list by cause:

Women’s health: Planned ParenthoodCenter for Reproductive Rights           

Climate change: Natural Resources Defense Council

Refugees:  International Refugee Assistance Project

Civil rights: American Civil Liberties UnionNAACP Legal Defense FundThe Trevor Project,

Mexican-American Legal Defense and Education Fund

All of these groups, with the exception of the ACLU, are 501(c)3 organizations and donations to them are tax deductible to the full extent of the law. Note you can donate to the ACLU Foundation to make a tax-deductible gift to support their work on civil rights issues.  Here’s a description of the difference: Giving to ACLU or ACLU Foundation: What is the Difference?

If you want to make your own list — and not rely on one from a fake news show — check out Charity Navigator or Guidestar to search for organizations doing work you want to support. You can search by area of interest.  On Charity Navigator you can start with its Perfect 100, charities that execute their missions such that they’ve received top marks for good governance.

Gifts of Action
You may want to take action beyond writing checks. While you can blog and tweet and email and post about how the world should change, coming together with others is what creates a message that cannot be denied.

You can do this without leaving your house. Just last week, plans to alter the House of Representatives independent Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) were scrapped after thousands of phone calls opposing the move tied up Representatives’ telephone lines. The fight to curb the power of the OCE was not new, nor was the tool used to voice disapproval. You have your First Amendment Rights for a reason. Likewise, over dinner recently with a long-time friend, she surprised me by saying if the new administration rolls out a Muslim registry, she’s planning to register. She is not Muslim nor of a targeted ethnicity. It was her way to disrupt a rounding up of people according to religion or ethnicity, and she was betting it was unlikely that the authorities would come round to arrest a white, middle-aged mom in the suburbs.

I felt obliged to remind her that that was a reasonable bet now, but perhaps not in the future. (See point #3, below).

3. If you plan to act, PLAN to act

You know this is all really leading up to some planning. Whether you give money – for a tax deduction or not – or decide to take action yourself, make sure you plan for it. It will take time out of your already busy lives, to research a charity, to call your Congressperson, or better still, to show up en masse at his or her office. To work on a committee, to meet up with others to plan, to work, to act. It will use nights, weekends, vacation, PTO. And you’re going to need to protect yourself when you do.

When I was in graduate school, a visiting professor taught a course on ethics. I was skeptical about what ethics you could teach to MBA students, but her approach was pragmatic. Specifically, she talked about how to be prepared in case you found yourself working somewhere in which you found corporate behavior to be illegal or unethical. There is often an enormous toll for speaking out, not only in legal costs but in damage to your career in the short- and sometimes long-term, to your social and professional networks, personal financial security, and to personal health. At a minimum, you need to be able to walk away. We all want to be the kind of person who acts when needed, but not everyone feels they can for some of these reasons.

One of the things she taught us was to have a cash reserve. Yes, I’ll always recommend you have an emergency fund. Beyond cash for a short-term shortfall, consider building another kind of reserve. Have “pin money,” bail money, a Go F*ck You Fund, a reserve in case you need to make a change, or end up at Santa Rita after your weekend activities.

A Brave New World
Progress often feels like two steps forward and one step back. We are at the beginning of a new cycle for social justice, and things are going to get bad before they get better. It’s going to take work and sacrifice to make progress. Civil rights, women’s rights, human rights all seem under threat as we move into this New Year.

You can leave it to others. 56% of Californians and 39% of Washingtonians did not vote, they left the decision to others. Don’t leave the work to others. Plan for your part in it, whatever that is.

I’m encouraged by the numerous people in the media, experts in disparate professions, and yes, even some politicians, who understand what is at stake and who are ready to put their time and effort towards moving us forward. Find your cause, find others working towards the same goals, find your tribe. At a minimum, it’s an opportunity to get to know your neighbors, co-workers, kids, parents in new ways. It’s our connection to others that gives us a rich life, and believe it or not, this year and beyond could prove to be some of the most moving and meaningful times we might have. It takes courage, and time and effort. Set your intention: what do you want to look back on with pride at the end of this year? It is a New World in this New Year, and we need to be brave in it.

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Talking Turkey, Talking Trump

Posted on Nov 24, 2016 in Community, Family

This month my book club read Where the Right Went Wrong, E.J. Dionne Jr’s book about conservativism in America, a selection made long before Election Day, and back when we thought we’d be in a different place politically when we met to discuss it. One of our group told us how she was anxious about her upcoming visit to family for Thanksgiving. Her political views differed from theirs, and she would be outnumbered. She told us about the letter she was drafting to send to them prior to the holiday, in hopes that they would sensitive to her feelings.

Everyone in your household may be on the same page regarding the election. In case that’s not the case, before you lob a turkey leg or a fistful of Tofurkey across the dining room table, take a breath.

Think about how you’d guide two kids arguing over a toy. What is the value you want to instill in the kids? Sharing? Fairness? Generosity? What is the value you want to demonstrate at your table? Respect? Gratitude? Love? Let that be your rock, and if the conversation starts to get heated or voices are raised, grab onto it and let it anchor you.Then consider these steps to help bring the folks at your table together:

Set some ground rules: In your first toast or when everyone sits down at the table, give your values a voice:

I’m so glad we can all be together, and share this holiday, even if we don’t share the same views on events in the news

OR

I’m so grateful to be part of this family, and to respectfully sharing all the differing points of view we each have

OR

Thanks to everyone for coming, and for sharing this food, and good conversation, with love and understanding

OR

I have spent the last five hours preparing this meal, and I hope whenever you feel like saying something about the election, you will choose instead to say something nice about my cooking. I hope that’s something we can all agree on!

There are some families in which this approach simply won’t work. In this case, you may have to accept that ground rules aren’t going to constrain some. You’ll need to decide with whom you want to engage, but I’d encourage you to ask for space, or time if needed, or to try turning what might feel like an attack to you into an exploration about what matters to the other person. And if none of that works, you can always change the subject and ask them to pass the mashed potatoes.

Acknowledge feelings: Think about how we encourage good sportsmanship in our kids. We encourage the same behavior in winners and losers. We encourage respect, and acceptance of the outcome as well as the feelings winning or losing brings with it.

Expressing sadness or grief over the outcome of the election is not a sign of weakness.  If we can separate out the feelings from the events that generated them, we can start there. No one wants to see those they love hurting.

Recognize that however YOU are feeling, not everyone may be in the same place, even if they are on the same side. At yoga the Saturday after the Election, our instructor led us through a practice and a meditation about anger. Except I wasn’t angry. I was sad. Grief-stricken. Heartsick. I cried most of the way through the class. Recognize that not everyone will be processing events in the same way, at the same pace. They may not be ready to talk. Let them grieve, or be angry, or sad, or quiet. Ask them how they feel, whether they want to talk. And respect the answer.

Ask questions: The biggest challenge we face now is talking with those who we see as holding a diametrically opposing view. You can’t understand how someone on the other side can BE on the other side. So let’s find out: Take out the political angle, and you have either an angry/despairing/grieving family member, or a happy/excited relation. If you were just responding to the feelings, what would you ask?

What is your biggest hope for the new Administration?
What concerns you the most about the next President?

Listen: Ask your question, and then just be quiet. Seriously, just stop talking. Take in what the other person has told you. You actually don’t have to say anything. Each of us needs to feel heard. Resolve that right now your goal is not to persuade the other person to see the light. Your goal is to hear what the other person has to say.  You can think up a counterpoint tomorrow.  Right now you’re listening.

This stuff matters because what we’re really arguing about is values. I believe we have more in common, and share more in terms of values, than the highly-charged campaign hype may lead you to feel. Headlines and sound bites are made to amp you up, not usually in a good way. No question there is much at stake.  Talking past each other is just not a productive approach to keeping the nation – or your family – together.

Change happens in living rooms and kitchens, and at dining room tables. Ground yourself in what matters to you, ask questions, and listen. Democracy is often messy, frustrating and loud. Just like families.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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Planning in One Page

Posted on Sep 14, 2015 in Blog, Community, Family, Planning, Simplicity

Colleague and sketch guy extraordinaire, Carl Richards, has a new book called The One-Page Financial Plan. My work is all about organizing, simplifying, and getting clarity around what really matters for you, and a one-page plan sounded awesome. As I often do, I test-drove this process myself and here’s what my One-Page Plan looks like:

To be able to take care of myself:

1. Own my home

2. Financial freedom at 70

3. Ability to participate in the communities I love

What you’ll see right away is that the plan is very focused, and simple. But for any of you who have practiced yoga or tried meditation, steadying the wiggly body or calming the monkey mind is harder than it looks.

But this is exactly what you must do to have a plan that works: You must get to the “why” of what you’re doing. I call what I do “values-based” financial planning, and at its core it’s about what you value, what is important to you. The “why” will become your litmus test for financial decision-making.

The “Why”
Carl’s one-page plan starts where I also start the planning process, with the “why.” The Why is your financial mission. His question is: Why is money important to you?

To have a secure retirement?

To take care of your family?

To die with the most toys?

The Why is totally internally-driven. If you are looking for external validation, your “why” will always fail, because you’re not directing it. When it’s externally-driven, you’re looking to the outside for validation, and you won’t feel a sense of calm when you answer the question. When you answer truly, you relax, you feel a relief from anxiety. You’ve answered the question.

What Gets in the Way of The Why
Part of getting to The Why is digging into what money means to you. My financial mission is to be able to take care of myself.  My process looked like this:

Money is important to me because I want to be financially secure.
Because I want to be able to take care of myself.
Because no one else will be there to do it.

In those three sentences, I got to one of my core values: self-sufficiency. I came from a working class family. My parents bought their first house on the GI Bill, my dad went to school and worked part-time, and money was a struggle. I worked my way through college, and graduate school. There was a lot of messaging in my early life around my family not having any support outside the four of us — my parents, brother and me — and how we could only rely on ourselves.

Being able to take care of myself financially – pay my bills, never get in over my head, take educated risks but don’t bet the farm, have a little money socked away, a few staples in the pantry always– is at the core of how I run my financial life.

For you, it might be thinking you “should” have a house, but you’re really fine renting and would rather put your savings into a business idea. It might be feeling you deserve a certain standard of living, when the fear is really not living up to someone else’s (or your) standards, of not being as good as your peers. Only you can know why money is important in your life.

The “What”
Once you figure out why you’re working hard and saving – or spending your nest egg in a certain way – then you can get more specific about the actions you need to be taking to work towards these goals. What Carl notes – and embraces – is the certainty of change. Don’t wait around for the perfect answer or the “right” decision. Good planning is a lot like living your life fully: you start where you are, with what you can do today, and do it. You have to translate The Why into actionable goals. You need to list everything you want to do or have, then prioritize in terms of how “The What” supports the Why.

To live up to my Why, I want to own my own home, save enough to be financially independent at age 70, and participate in the communities I love.  Taking care of myself doesn’t mean spending all my time at the office, it also means having a good life today, and so I’ve included how I’ll spend my time in addition to what I’m doing with my money.  Your plan is about you and building a meaningful life.

The What is the top three specific things that you need to do to fulfill your financial mission. You’ll note that not all these goals necessarily require financial resources: two of the communities I love involve dogs and books, and I’ve volunteered in animal shelters, libraries and school reading programs. What is your What? What are the three goals you’ll work on now?

Putting Your Why and What into Action
Once you have your Why, you have a measure against which you can evaluate the financial decisions you face. When you wonder how to spend your money or how to save, ask yourself, is this action supporting your Why? For me, I ask “Will this action enhance my ability to take care of myself?” Then test the decision about which of your three top goals it’s advancing.

OnePagePlan_napkinv2That’s it. Write your Why and your What on a post-it or an index card (Carl wrote his, shown here, on a napkin with a Sharpie). Put it on your mirror, keep a copy in your wallet. This isn’t about other people telling you what to do, this is a talisman of your creation, your money mantra to keep you centered and on track to get what you really want out of this life.

Get out your Sharpie and get to work!

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